Seeing out, Seeing in

Perspective is an interesting thing. Suppose a friend of mine and I were struggling from two very similar problems, each dressed up in different scenarios, making the similarities less than transparent. Each problem can be solved with a similar solution, as the problems themselves are similar. My friend asks me for advice with the problem. As I listen, and think about my friend's problem, a solution will easily pop into my head. I will offer my sound advice, my friend will thank me, take my advice, and be happy with the way the situation worked out. So what do I do? I sit down and continue grinding my mental gears, completely unable to come up with a solution to my problem.

I just gave my friend the solution to my problem, but I can't accept it. I know of a solution that worked, but I still can't bring myself to take my own advice. I just can't see the connection between what I'm going through and what they are experiencing.

It's so easy to objectively see what other people are going through, and provide reasonable and sound advice. When we are standing on the outside looking in, it's as we can see the whole situation at once without any emotional attachments or feelings, and it seems it becomes much easier to provide an objective, logical solution. An acquaintance of mine, a girl, was in a poor relationship. Her boyfriend was too attached, emotionally abusive, and insecure. I knew she needed to end the relationship, and I said this to her. Another acquaintance of mine, a guy, was in a poor relationship. He knew he couldn't provide the love and support he needed to provide in order to treat his girlfriend the way she deserved to be treated. I politely advised him to end the relationship. Both friends admitted months after the fact that I had given them good advice. I was in a poor relationship. I was emotionally detached and dead inside (this was back when things started going down hill about six years ago or so). I had no idea what to do.

It's easy to objectively see other people's problems coming from an outside perspective. When the problems are our own, when we are on the inside looking out, suddenly the answers are not so clear, the objectivity disappears, and what was a situation we should know how to deal with now becomes a murky conundrum filled with variables and gray areas where there is no clear solution. What you feel and what you know aren't always the same (in my case they are almost never the same).

Someone doesn't necessarily have to be "smarter" than you to give you good advice on how to handle situations in your own life. Many times all it takes is a different perspective. Considering that, what's more is sometimes it helps just to have someone tell us what to do, even if we already knew exactly what we needed to do in the first place.

What's ironic is I'm terrible at asking for advice; I'm too independent, too proud, and unwilling to divulge my problems. This almost feels like a letter to me advising myself on how I need to be willing to ask others for help sometimes. It does not feel like anyone can help me, yet when the tables are turned I know I can help others - and I know I'm not brilliant, I'm just a different perspective.